Love, Lose, repeat

Hi, I’m Jason and I’m here to talk about new beginnings. I found that to be a difficult theme to write about. It’s something that most people experience at some point in their lives and the ones I have experienced haven’t been any more exciting or entertaining than the average persons. I’ve met people that have changed my life, I’ve dealt with loss, and I moved away from my home town. But, I live in Arizona, so everyone I know has moved away from their home town. So, what I’ve written for tonight we’ll call an exercise in poetry and prose.

Chapter 1:

Can the energy of the sun awaken

Before the twilight after dawn

Embraced by the cold chill

A love that you can feel

Waiting for that sun to rise

Can the peeking of her light bring new meaning

A kiss good morning from the world

Gently, she explains

Through all the tears and pain

Yesterday was not for naught

Can the shining of her light make all clear

As her warmth sinks into your skin

I’ll show you the way

Grasping my hand

Her breeze whispers as we walk along

Can the setting sun convince

That she’ll return in the ‘morn

You’ll awaken to the eyes

Of hope in the skies

A love that cannot be lost

The beginning is so exciting. Everything is new and happy. You’re letting something new into your life, even though you’ve been hurt before, left with a bad taste in your mouth. That’s what I did. And why shouldn’t you? We all want happiness and we’ve got to take any shots at it that we can. That’s what I did.

And it was good. I can still feel the warmth. I remember the excitement when a friend that knew me well, a friend that knows my taste, told me what they saw. I was ready for something new and this was my chance.

And you know, things were good for a long time.

Chapter 2:

How can there be grief

Before the loss

A ticking

Ticking

Ticking

Of a bomb

You know will explode

An explosion so strong

So close

So real

And yet

Nothing has happened

There is no pain

No sorrow

No loss

And yet

The loss

The darkness

The emptyness

It creeps

Follows

Rears it’s ugly face

In the presence of happiness

What is here

Now

In the moment

Magic

Beauty

Everything

Ruined by the mind

The soul

The fear

The insecurity

The thoughts of what will be

What can be

What may be

Assumed

Contrived

As if one can know

And yet

We know

I know that you’ve been there before. Seemingly perfect, but you can feel it coming to an end. Somehow, even though I felt it happening, I wasn’t expecting it. On a day like any other, I walked into the door and everything changed. Gone.

Chapter 3:

The taste still lingers

Once new

Savored

Warmth that spread through the body

For a moment, true happiness

Now a memory

The name still rings in my head

Volcano Taco

The lava cheese sauce

The fresh ground beef

Crisp lettuce

The cheese shredded to perfection

Perfection in a crunchy red shell

It seems like memories are the things that keep us going. A taste, a smell, warmth at the end of your finger tips. Thinking back can bring that rush, the serotonin and dopamine surging in the brain, even when the chest feels empty and the heart aches.

And I still did it. I had accepted the loss. But I still did it. The memory was worth the pain.

Chapter 4:

Say goodbye

It’s time

Time to break through

The struggle with the head and the heart

It’s gone and there is no bringing it back

And on the horizon

Something better

Something pure

Something permanent

A new beginning

Two words that bring hope and happiness

Two words that can mend the torn heart

Two words that make it hard to remember what was lost

Crunchwrap Supreme

We all get discouraged, thinking we’ll never find the one. But it only feels that way until you do. And all you can do is keep trying until it happens. Through all the pain I still managed to get where I needed to go. I found happiness.

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